The world has changed. In every sector technology, social change and legislation is shifting from Me to We (competition to collaboration). ‘Traditional’ behaviours are being challenged by legislation. For example, in the construction sector CDM 2015 and PAS 1192 require collaborative relationships – a substantial shift in ingrained behaviours and mindsets.
How to collaborate better
Navigating this change needs Emotional Intelligence (#EQ) – the ability to communicate, connect with and relate effectively to and with others. EQ is like the WD40 for communication, relationships and influence, making them flow more smoothly, productively and profitably.
Think back to a time you reacted really well to something that happened. That time when people thought you’d fly off the handle or go quiet (depending on how you tend to react in these situations) but you didn’t. Now, think of a time you reacted badly. One that makes you cringe. You wish you could go back in time and behave differently.
What is Emotional Intelligence?
Everyone has a magic six seconds between a stimulus and their behaviour. EQ enables you to make use of that time to pause and consciously choose to respond rather than react spontaneously in a downward spiral.
EQ is increasingly considered to be the most powerful determinant of personal success and an essential ingredient for collaboration and, unlike IQ which is relatively static, it can be grown throughout your life.
At any given moment your thinking comes from one of two mental states:
- green zone – relaxed, open, creative, curious with strong self-belief and feeling good in and about yourself and others. The quality of your thinking is high and outcomes achieved are measured and positive.
- red zone – defensive, protective and judgmental, or submissive, anxious and small. The quality of your thinking is low, focusing on the symptoms of a problem rather than root cause or big picture.
Go back to those good and bad reactions you thought about earlier. Which zone describes where you were in each situation?
Recognising times when reactions stemmed from your green or red zone is a significant first step in improving your EQ and ability to collaborate.
How to grow your Emotional Intelligence
The second step is learning to press pause before reacting so that you have time to recognise which zone you’re in. You can do this by focusing on your:
- thoughts – what’s the tone of your self-talk? If it’s critical of yourself and others, black / white or I’m right / you’re wrong? You’re in red zone.
- physical sensations – stomach churning, chest tightness, constricted throat or thoughts spinning in your head like a washing machine on a 1600 rpm cycle? You’re in red zone.
- body language – finger pointing and sharp arm movements? Classic red zone signs as is ‘small’ inward posture.
Just being able to pause for long enough to spot the zone you’re in can give you the split-second you need to curb a reaction that takes you further away from the outcome you seek.
The third step is to move into the green zone before responding. It takes practice and it’s helpful to understand why you aren’t you in the green zone all the time.
We’re all human – perfectly imperfect and that’s what makes it fun and frustrating in equal measure. Our brains are hard-wired for self-defence. Our primeval survival instinct hasn’t evolved in line with our environment and will still kick in if we sense a threat, even if it’s emotional rather than physical.
When you sense a threat you’re straight into your red zone, a mindset that protects yourself from feeling uncomfortable feelings, often by deflecting the source, making it appear to come from external factors, be it the people around you or a situation you believe is out of your control. The only thing you can control is you, and understanding how your thinking influences your behaviour, actions and outcomes is key.
And your mind is clever, always seeking to make you the one in the right.
“Whether you think you can, or think you can’t – you’re right.” – Henry Ford
All of your behaviour stems from how you think and feel about yourself. Green zone is healthy, feels good and has productive outcomes. Red-zone is defensive and feels frustrating – like scoring an own goal.
Increasing your own EQ helps you to understand others by recognising their zones and subtly shifting your approach in order to influence them productively. Everyone has an innate capacity for listening, being curious and questioning. Once you’re in green zone more often, you gain time to analyse those around you and subtly shift your approach, influencing your behaviours and environment towards productive outcomes.
What’s the impact on collaboration?
Collaboration in its truest form happens when outcomes are intrinsically linked – when you’re as passionate about the other party’s success as your own because, unless you both succeed, neither of you do. It requires trust, teamwork, and green zone behaviours where the quality of your thinking and performance is at its highest and you are able to work together productively.
And like all cultures, it shifts one person at a time – starting from the top.
How might a shift to more trust, teamwork and collaboration benefit the growth of your business? Four Times More® shows you how.
Angela
Dellar is an entrepreneur, qualified accountant and qualified leadership coach. With both sharp business acumen and the ability to facilitate lasting behavioural change, she supports leaders to develop green zone culture and relationships based trust, teamwork and collaboration. In her book “How to Fly High”, available here to download for free, she shares more about using emotional intelligence to respond rather than react.
